Ask me what I want in life and that becomes a conundrum

Maybe to live good and expire in a loved one’s bosom

Just maybe or maybe not

What do you live for my dear gentle reader?

Maybe I need fourteen companies,twelve cars and a Labrador retriever

A luxurious house and a loving family

Maybe to be a grey haired grandparent with my offspring around like an army

Maybe nothing at all

Maybe everything

But wait, what’s the point of it all?

What if you just die?

What if we live for no reason at all

Maybe we’re born to drown in afflictions,swim in success and pass out poorly or peacefully, either either one

What if you disappear when you die?

Maybe death is the birth to a new life

Who knows? Just maybe

Maybe those who die here are safe in galactic habitable zones

Somewhere, just somewhere that our tiny brains can not comprehend

Maybe the awareness of our impending mortality is the most influence force on our experience of life

What about the abstractions that live in our heads?

Those dreams that give us unbelievable favorable odds of hope?

The limbo journeys, the psychedelic experiences and hallucinations

Those out of body experiences that make us think we’re part of something big and significant

Maybe we are,maybe we’re not

Could it be that life is actually meaningless that the universe is irrational and indifferent and that humanity is nothing but just a cosmic joke?

Because how can I be caught in this perpetual cycle of feeling good today,better tomorrow and to feeling suicidal the over morrow?

When we look at the repetitiveness of our lives and this culturally accepted path that we are all expected to take from birth to the grave, makes one wonder and think, what’s the point?

There happens to be someone out there somewhere living some version of seemingly worst case scenario from many of us. A life without electricity,technology and to a great many other things,unaware of this literature even and perhaps a huge portion of the happenings of this world.

And there’s you and yeah of course me, atoms, “stuff” as Wright put it,stuff so completely organized across thresholds of stuff-complexity that is able to reflect upon its stuff-ness,and what an extraordinary thing it is to be alive, unaware that it’s aware that it’s alive. But from the complexity comes the love and beauty and meaning that constitutes the life that we live.

Lost and broken I try to find a way

Upslope fog like a thick blanket in my face

Distorted vision causing imbalance betraying simple jaunty steps

Like a toddler’s unsteady gait

Stumbling on objects,moving in concentric circles

Dilemma in taking the right because right seems right right where I stand

What if I turned left and left the left lane?

I wander with zero magnitude and arbitrary direction

Twisting and turning with a whirlwind of activity

Sweat escaping from pores,heart racing,eyeballs twitching

Out of might to walk me, on this desolate land will I lie

And send my last prayer to the sky as I expire.

STANZA 1

With a quieted soul and mind,

I sit by the sea side

the breeze embraces me with extraordinary warmth inside

the inner peace and comfort take me on a journey down memory lane.

STANZA 2

I am taken back to my early days

the days where my mom’s kisses and cuddles were the only things I longed for

the days where life was perfect

the days where the clock ticked slowly and my life seemed forever with never ending time.

STANZA 3

The vision becomes so vivid and I

feel me in myself,the toddler,

enjoying memories

let me say, I am in a limbo

for I get lost in my state suddenly

the sweet breeze lets go of me.

STANZA 4

Fast forward my hallucination is cut short and I am brought back to myself

back to this youthful world

back to where I can’t share my ideas without people criticizing

back to where my quest for achieving greatness is seen as a competition

back to where the masses deem people with material things higher than the ones with wit and intelligence

back to a world where we are so pressed with time because we spend all our time copying.

STANZA 5

Oh sweet breeze embrace me once more

take me back to heaven

take me back to perfection

Oh sweet breeze take me back!

STANZA 1

you said you wouldn’t leave

you said I was the only one you’d need

here I am but you no more

i am now the unwanted soul the priest prays for.

STANZA 2

together we could see the bright future

you left me now and I blame my poor sight on my seizure

all I see is a heart broken into pieces on the floor

i cry all night and in my bed,I crawl.

STANZA 3

the sky looks blank tonight as I stare

looking for stars,I see nothing only darkness there

a life without you is not worth living

a broken heart,torn out soul and now my nose is bleeding.

STANZA 4

my thoughts now are suicidal

the throb in my heart is uncontrollable and my life,abysmal

got the rope tied around my neck

this is the last thing I write as I give the chair a kick.

Somewhere along the line

we were standing eye to eye

with hands wrapped against each other

us beside ourselves only together

Your bright eyes were as clean as the ocean

your lips on my cheek doubled my heart’s motion

the tight hug deleted my memory of things below or above

all I could see was you,I and your Zouave

then a figure rose behind you

brightly colored and huge

it struck something into my eye like a beam

then I woke up to realize it was all a dream.